


Broken Wings, and Fallen Idols

by AlexTheShipper



Series: Damaged Wings [1]
Category: Marvel, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Not Steve Friendly, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark-centric, wing fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-10-29 05:44:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10847646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexTheShipper/pseuds/AlexTheShipper
Summary: Your wings are an expression of your soul, and Tony Stark's wings once white and beautiful are scarred and bloody. Betrayal after betrayal, heart break after heart break.





	1. Prologue: A history of broken wings

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for Sunset Bain and Statutory Rape referenced because of her. 
> 
> Also warnings for all of Tony's past because he's angsty as hell but I love him.

“We’re sending you too school, the Phillip’s academy has a great boarding program, and should be able to facilitate your education adequately.” Howard says, and his hand comes down on Tony’s shoulder. The gesture is meant to be comforting, but Howard is drunk, and Tony barely manages to keep his balance under the weight. Tony nods, but his mind can’t help thinking about how eager his parents are to be rid of him. He’ll go, and hopefully he’ll make his father proud. He is a Stark, and Stark men are made of iron. Tony holds his white wings up proudly. He’s a Stark after all, and Stark men don’t cry.

“Of course, Sir. I’ll make you proud.” Tony promises, it isn’t until later that he notices the patch of bent primaries at the edge of his left wing. Everyone knows your wings reflect the state of your soul, and at seven years old Tony’s wings are already broken. Tony’s soul is already damaged, still they’re beautiful. He will still hold them with pride.

Five months’ pass, Tony left for school in September and now Winter break is coming up. He’ll get to see his parents again. It’s been almost four months since he saw them last, and he’s only spoken to them once since he arrived, Jarvis tends to handle the phone calls to check up on him.

“Mr. Stark, there’s a phone call for you.” One of his teachers takes him to a phone, near the front desk. He’s excited, maybe this time mom will be there to talk to him. Last time she was in Jamaica with a friend, but she might be there this time. She isn’t, instead Jarvis is on the other end.

“Hello Mr. Stark.” He greets, and Tony smiles anyways. He loves talking to Jarvis even if it’s not the same, and he’s excited to learn about their Christmas plans.

“Hello Jarvis, how are you?” Tony asks, twirling the cord around his finger as he bounces on his heels. A stern look from the receptionist forces him to drop the cord, and settle down. She is not a fan of fidgeting, and he doesn’t want another detention.

“I’m fine Sir. How are you?” Jarvis always asks how Tony is first, and then about his studies. It’s interesting, Tony thinks, that Jarvis cares more about him than his studies, but with Howard it’s the other way around.

“I’m good Jarvis, my grades are great, everything’s okay here.” Tony says, what he doesn’t say, is that it’s lonely. “What are we doing for Christmas?” He asks, bouncing on his heels again.

“Mr. Stark, I’m sorry, your parents will be flying out to New York over your Christmas break.” Jarvis admits, and Tony freezes. Heels hovering in the air.

“The whole break?” He asks, his voice barely a whisper. He can feel his heart break, they really don’t want to see him.

“I’m sorry Sir.” Jarvis whispers, “You can still celebrate with Anna and I.” Jarvis offers, and Tony forces a smile back on his face.

“That sounds nice Jarvis. I look forward to it.” He lies. Stark men don’t cry, he chants the words like a reminder. Tony doesn’t realize he still expected them to be there until midnight on Christmas when he loses his first feather. He realizes at the age of Seven and a Half that he can’t trust people to be there for him. Because in the end, in the end, he’s still sitting on an old bed, clutching a brand-new Captain America doll to his chest as he loses his feathers. In the end he’s alone in the dark.

In the next two years Tony throws himself into his studies. Subconsciously he knows it’s a desperate attempt to make Howard proud of him. He skips third grade, and then fifth. Howard only ever asks why he isn’t doing more? Why he lost one point here? Anything less than perfection isn’t good enough for a Stark.

He’s ten years old, and moving into the middle school dormitories. This is where he meets Tiberius, a 12-year-old with glossy jet black wings, whose dad owns a European tech company a lot like Stark Industries. They’re roommates, and Tiberius is the only person who Tony ever takes his wings out around, his best friend.

He’s closer to Tiberius than he is to Jarvis, trusts him with everything. They do homework together, and play games. Sure, Tiberius never wants to be seen with Tony outside of their room, but Tony understands. The other kids think he’s too young. Tiberius has a reputation to protect. For almost two years Tiberius is his best friend. Then one day, he over hears Tiberius talking.

“Have any of you seen Starks wings?” Tiberius asks, and Tony can see him through the glass window on the classroom door, sneering. “There are patches of feathers missing, and his primaries are fucked up.” Tiberius laughs, and so do his friends. “God. What a freak.”

“12 years old, and he’s already got an ugly soul.” Someone jeers, and Tiberius laughs like it’s the funniest thing he’s ever heart.

“Stark men are made of Iron.” Tony whispers like a mantra, trying to keep himself from crying. The bell rings, and one of Ty’s friends shove him into the wall as they walk by. Tiberius just laughs as Tony blinks back tears.

“I thought you liked me.” He whispers, sadly later that night, staring at the ceiling. Tiberius laughs, as if that’s the funniest joke he’s ever heard.

“I’ve seen your soul Stark, there’s not much to like.” Tiberius sneers, it isn’t until the next morning when Tony showers that he realizes his wings have lost their glossy shine. Dull, and broken, and missing pieces, a reflection of his soul. Tony stops making friends after that and finishes middle school with a little work over the summer, two years in high school and he’s accepted into MIT at the age of 14.

He knows better than to make friends now, but that doesn’t mean he gets to avoid bullies. He tries to keep to himself but he’s a small kid, and too smart for his own good. He gets shoved into walls, and lockers, and dumpsters by kids nearly half a decade older than him. He’s been at MIT a year before anyone jumps to his rescue, taking a hit for him.

“You shouldn’t have done that.” Tony grumbles spitting blood on the concrete. The stranger sticks his hand out, and hesitantly Tony shakes it.

“Names James, but my friends call me Rhodes.” James says, Tony blinks at him for a moment.

“Why?” He asks, tilting his head to the side. He doesn’t give Rhodey time to answer, grabbing his dropped notebook and shoving it into his bag. “That’s a weird name I’m calling you Rhodey.” He decides, pulling his bag onto his shoulder and heading toward the engineering building.

“Okay, the nurse is that way though.” Rhodey points out, falling into step next to Tony. Tony laughs, and points at the engineering building.

“First aid kit in my lab.” He says. “I’m fine.” Rhodey tags along anyways, patches Tony up himself. That should have been the end of it, Tony knows better than to make friends. Rhodey keeps tagging along though, and secretly Tony doesn’t really mind. After two years Tony’s never heard a harsh word leave the man’s lips. Never felt abandoned, or uncared for. Rhodey brings him home for Christmas one year, and it’s the best Tony can ever remember having, slowly his wings start to heal.

Tony’s sixteen when he meets Sunset, she’s 23 working on her PhD, and she tells him she loves him. His wings are healthier than they’ve ever been, the missing feathers growing back. Between Rhodey and Sunset he’s never felt more loved, or happy. The primaries on his left wing are still a little bent, but his wings are gorgeous again. He feels happy with her.

Then Bain co. starts coming out with Stark designs, his designs, and Tony’s stomach drops. The happiness washes out of him, his wings dull.

“Sunset, I love you, but I need to know. Are you stealing my designs?” He wants her to say no. God does he want her to say no, I’d never do that. Wants her to tell him she loves him. Instead, she laughs in his face.

“Of course, I am.” She says, and Tony’s shoulders droop. “What? Did you think I actually cared about you?” She sneers. Tony shrugs, because of course he did. He thought he loved her.

Rhodey holds him that night while he pretends not to cry, and Tony tries to remind himself that someone still cares. Someone is still here. The feathers fall out anyways. Huge patches on both wings, and the sickly parlor returns, worse than before. After that Tony guards, his heart. Uses a smile, sex, and a drink like a weapon, and a shield.

He sleeps around, but never settles down. He doesn’t let himself fall in love, and he doesn’t make any more friends. He has Rhodey, that’s enough. He loses those bent primaries the day his cell phone rings and it isn’t Jarvis on the other end, it’s a police officer.

“There’s been an accident.” He loses those bent primaries the moment he knows they’re both gone. They don’t mention Jarvis until later though, he wasn’t family after all. When he finds out Jarvis is gone there’s an open cut on his wing, he doesn’t think it will ever heal.

He drinks his way through the Funeral, and continues to drink in the years following. They pass by in a buzz, as he completes his degree. He hardly notices the feathers he loses when Anna passes, he keeps his wings so hidden he’s not even sure what they look like anymore. He only knows that they’re dull and marred with scars, and bald patches.

Years go by, and Tony finds himself standing in Obidiah’s shadow drink in hand. He likes it that way. He stays drunk and smiling and nobody asks him any questions. Obidiah handles the business side, and Tony’s charm handles the rest.

Everything is _fine_ , until one day Tony wakes up in a cave, there’s a stranger’s hand in his chests, and a car battery humming beside him. Tony wakes up again chest screaming in pain. The stranger tells him his name is Yinsen, and he saved Tony’s life. Tony isn’t so sure it was worth saving.

“A man with everything, and nothing.” Yinsen comments, and Tony thinks of his fortune and his wings. He hates how true it is. Tony’s wings can’t get any duller, and there’s already so many feathers missing. Still scar tissue forms on his chest and his wings. He wonders if he was worth saving, and still he lives. He escapes, and Yinsen doesn’t.

“Don’t throw your life away Stark.” Yinsen said, and he won’t. There’s a new cut, on the inside of his left wing, feathers disappear, and Tony wonders if this one will be like Jarvis’ or if this one will heal. Still, he lives. He burns their camp, and he walks away. Rhodey finds him, wings hidden, sunburned, and near death. Rhodey finds him.

Later he learns Obie put him in that cave, one of the few people he trusted. There’s no time to see what damage this has done to his soul, he fights. Drags Obie into the sky and waits for the ice to kill him. In the end, it looks like talons have been ripped down his wings. His soul bleeds, and he hates himself because he doesn’t know how much of it is because of what Obie did, and how much of it is because Tony killed him.

Still he promised Yinsen he wouldn’t waste his life, he lets Pepper in. Forgives Rhodey for the anger over dropping weapons production. He stops partying as much, and focuses on righting his own wrongs, on saving people. He’ll be a hero like Captain America.

Then he learns that he’s dying, and he starts pushing people away. The Palladium poisoning leaves black lines on his wings even after it’s cured. A reminder of how easy it was to get his friends to turn on him. He moves on.

“I know men with none of that worth ten of you.” Steve Rogers, is not the hero or the person Tony thought he was. He never thought he would be betrayed by Captain America. After all, he was a hero. He worked hard to protect people. He knows he’s been doing better, he defends himself.

That doesn’t stop the scar from forming, going from the tip of one wing to the other. It bisects the marks left by Obidiah. Passes just below the cut made when Jarvis died. It doesn’t bleed, his soul is already bleeding enough.

Still he keeps going, accepts Steve as his commander. He flies a nuke through a portal fully expecting to die. His last thought would have been. _It’s ironic isn’t it, the most damaged wings on the planet, and I’m going to die flying._

He lives, and his hands shake with PTSD, his wings spasm with anxiety whenever he takes them out. He doesn’t sleep, he builds. An army of Iron Man’s that will stop whatever comes after them next. Whatever the next big threat is. Then he fucks up. He’s not the only one involved but Bruce leaves. He still remembers the feeling of Thor’s fingers around his neck, of the witch inside his mind.

His left wing is bent at an odd angle now, the bone broken. His _soul_ has truly broken. Scarred, and damaged, and broken. Ugly. Still, he can’t stop, can’t rest. The spasm in his wings gets worse. His anxiety only increases. He learns how to keep his hands from shaking, but he forgets how to sleep.

Pepper left him because he won’t show her his wings. She tells him he would do it if he trusted her, if he was invested in the relationship. He can’t do it. The lost feather seems small in the scheme of things. It isn’t.

They fight over the Accords. Still, Tony would never leave his teammates alone to face a threat. He flies to the base in Siberia, he watches his parents die. Blood drips from the scar that bisects both wings.

“Did you know?” He demands, not prepared for the answer.

“Yes.” Steve admits. The few feathers he has left are matted with blood. There isn’t a clean inch on his once white wings. Blood red, and bleeding. Tony knows better than to show anyone the damage done to him, can barely stand to see it himself. 


	2. The Rogues Return

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm mostly ignoring Wanda in this verse.

It’s been a year since the Accords were first brought before the Avengers, and there’s a threat looming on the horizon. In the past year alien attacks have become common place, and it’s painfully obvious that earth is sorely unprepared. Nobody wants their heroes scattered anymore, least of all the American government. The Rogue Avengers are pardoned, and despite Rhodey’s protests, Tony invites them to live in the tower.

He'd donated the compound to Xavier since his school population was quickly outgrowing the mansion. It’s being used to train and teach the older students, who are closer to being battle ready. Explaining that to the returning Avengers, however, is no easy task.

“That was our home.” Clint grits out between his teeth glaring at Tony. Tony’s wings quiver invisibly against his back, mirroring the feeling in his lungs. “Why would you take our home like that?” Tony looks him in the eyes, forcing down his rising anxiety. He can’t show weakness here.

“It was my building.” He replies, as confident as he’s always been. It’s a good thing he has practice in pretending to be confident. “My property, and I have the right to use it as I please.” He explains. Steve glares at him, arms crossed over is chest in disapproval. Tony can’t help the way his eyes dart between Steve’s angry expression, and Barnes sulking in the corner.

“Tony.” Steve says, and his voice holds a warning. Steve is drawing a line, and Tony wonders what will happen if he crosses it. Wonders if this time Steve won’t change his aim at the last second to avoid killing him. Tony doesn’t cross the line.

“Steve.” Tony replies, nodding a mockery of respect. Steve blinks at him for a moment, as if looking for something to disapprove of. Tony keeps his chin up, maintaining eye contact through the moment of silence. Neither of them are willing to back down.

“Put your ego away Stark.” Natasha orders, making both of them turn towards her. “Just because you’re housing us doesn’t mean you get to act all high and mighty.” She tells him, and suddenly Tony is just tired. He’s so tired of fighting for their respect, maybe he doesn’t deserve any. After all, when earth’s mightiest heroes don’t like you, well you must be doing something wrong.

“I have work to do. I’ll be in the lab.” He says, and turns to leave before they can notice how dead his eyes are. He doesn’t notice the incredulous look Bucky shot at Natasha when she spoke. Doesn’t notice the way his feet shuffle forward to follow, before he stops.

“Boss?” Friday asks once the elevator doors close. Tony smiles at the small show of concern. He misses Jarvis, but it’s nice watching Friday grow.

“I’m okay girl. I need you to find the top ten therapists for Barnes, he was a prisoner of war, so anyone specializing in that would be great.” Tony’s voice feels loud in the quiet elevator. He’s come to a decision, he’ll pay for their food, their housing, and he’ll stay mostly out of their way. Hopefully, if he gives him everything they need they’ll run out of reasons to berate him. “Call the best and offer them a position here, working with Barnes.” Tony requests.

 “Of course, Boss.” Friday replies, the elevator doors slide open to reveal his lab. Tony runs his hands through his hair as he steps out of the elevator. They just got back to the states and already he’s exhausted, a few days in the lab, that’s all he needs. He can rest before he has to see them again. “Boss, Colonel Rhodes is calling.” He can rest after he convinces Rhodey he’s okay.

“Put him through.” Tony requests plastering on his best smile, and turning to face the screen. “Hey Honey bear.” He greets, hoping he comes off as upbeat. It’s nearly impossible to fool Rhodey in person, but through a screen.

“Hey Tones, you doing okay?” Rhodey asks, concern clear in his voice. Tony rolls his eyes, spinning in his chair absently in an attempt to appear distracted. Rhodey seems to buy it, smiling fondly at him. 

“I’m fine you’re the one going through Physical Therapy hell.” He says, and Rhodey groans loudly. “Now you know how I felt after Afghanistan. You thought I was exaggerating.” Tony teases, and Rhodey groans again dropping his face down onto the desk.

“Physical therapy is hell. You were right. God carrying the suit around Tones. How do you do it?” Rhodey shakes his head as if to clear it. “That’s not the point though, the Rogues?” He asks, and Tony shrugs.

“They just got back Rhodey. Everything’s fine so far. How much damage did you think they’d do in the first five minutes?”  Tony attempts to joke, trying not to choke on the lie. If Rhodey rushes back here to take care of him he’ll fuck up his PT schedule, and Tony cannot allow that.

“You’ll tell me, right? If anything happens.” Rhodey’s voice promises retribution, and Tony can’t help the mental image of Rhodey in the suit as Steve smashes the shield down on it. “I’ll be on the first plane out.”

“Of course.” Tony promises, and he smiles. He knows he’d never ask Rhodey to come, but it’s a constant comfort knowing he’d come anyways. They end the call when Rhodey’s commanding officer calls him. Tony’s relieved that his and Steve’s mistakes haven’t cost Rhodey his career.

It’s Friday today, and last time Tony missed Friday team dinner Steve didn’t forgive him for two weeks. He decides to drag himself out of the lab, just before seven so he can shower and get ready by seven thirty. He walks into the kitchen on time, with damp hair, and everyone falls silent. They’re all already seated, and nobody had asked Friday to ask him to come. He realizes then that everyone’s plates are mostly empty.

“Hey Stark.” Clint greets, patting his belly. “There’s left overs if you want them.” He offers and Tony stands there for a moment in shock. Offered other people’s scraps in his own home. “Hello?” Clint asks, waving a hand at him. “Anybody in there?”

“You all ate without me?” He asks, and his voice is quiet. He’s trying not to take it personally, but they did. He clearly should have just stayed in the lab. Nobody even mentioned team dinner to him, clearly, he wasn’t invited. Steve gives him a confused look, Sam seems to think he’s stupid.

“Yeah, we did team dinner at six thirty, Clint wanted to eat earlier.” Sam explains, as if Tony is a toddler. Clint shrugs in acknowledgement. As if they didn’t just tell Tony they don’t consider him part of the team.

“Wow Clint, getting old. Can’t even wait until seven for dinner?” Tony tries for teasing in a desperate attempt to defuse the situation. Clearly his presence makes everyone uncomfortable.

“We were all hungry Stark.”  Steve cuts in before Clint can develop a biting retort. His tone is thick with disapproval and Tony realizes teasing is something teammates do, just like coming to team dinner. Not something Tony can get away with.

“Right, of course.” He snags, a box of Chinese food that’s been left untouched, and pops it in the microwave, impatiently waiting the thirty seconds for it to heat up while they others awkwardly return to their conversations. His toe taps against the tile for a moment. “Barnes, I’ve modified my binarily augmented retro framing device in order to remove your triggers.” Tony says, and the table falls silent again.

“Tony, we don’t like talk-“ Steve starts, again with the disappointed tone of voice. Bucky cuts him off before Tony can start looking for a way out.

“Thank you. You didn’t have to do that.” Bucky says, and he looks guilty. “What I did to you, what happened in Siberia.” He shakes his head. “You’re amazing if you still want to help me, but you don’t have to.” Steve looks at Tony, outraged, as if it’s Tony’s job to reassure Barnes.

“I already modified it, should take a couple sessions in the hulk room.” Tony says. “Friday will set up a time for it. I’ll send over the information.” Tony says, grabbing his food and making his dramatic exit. He keeps his head high so nobody realizes that he’s fleeing. Stark men are made of Iron after all.

Barnes’ schedule is apparently wide open, so he meets Tony in the Hulk Room the next morning. Tony walks in bleary eyed, coffee in hand.

“Are you sure?” Steve asks, and Tony takes a long sip of coffee, and starts pulling up the program with one hand. “I can stay with you.” Steve offers. Barnes shakes his head.

“No.” Bucky says, and he’s soft, but firm. “I don’t want you to be here for this.” Tony smiles into his cup, relieved not to have to be with both of them. “I’ll be fine Steve.” Steve’s eyes dart over to Tony, and he turns to stomp out.

“Fine. Stark, if anything happens to him.” Steve threatens, and Tony waves him off with one hand, trying to ignore the image of Steve towering over him, the shield coming down on his chest. “Good luck, Buck.” Steve says, before ducking out of the room.

“Sorry about him.” Bucky mumbles. “He’s kind of an over protective ass.” Bucky runs his hand through his hair. Tony feels a pang of guilt at the sight of his empty left sleeve.

“Must be nice.” Tony mumbles. “Having someone care about you like that.” He finishes pulling up the program, and starts plugging in wires. Bucky snorts, it’s a derisive sound, and Tony turns a curious eye on him, half focused on the project at hand.

“Sure, nice.” Bucky mumbles. Steve hovering is the bane of his existence at this point.

“Yeah, I mean I have Rhodey, but he has his own life.” Tony babbles, handing the helmet to Bucky and opening the door to the hulk room. “My Honey bear is a colonel.” He explains, rather proudly.

“I wish Steve would get his own life.” Bucky grumbles, pulling the helmet on, and buckling it with one hand. Tony shuffles awkwardly. “How does this thing work?”

“Didn’t you read the information I sent you?” Tony asks, eyes wide. Bucky shakes his head. “You needed to read it.” Tony says, heart racing. “All the information about the procedure is in there. You needed to read it.”

“Tony, Tony, hey doll. Breathe.” Bucky says, placing a hand on his arm. Tony flinches away slightly, and Bucky steps back, guilty. “Stark. It’s okay. You’re a smart guy, you can explain it to me now.” Tony nods. “You okay?”

“What? Yeah, of course.” Tony says, he’s always okay. “I’m fine.” Bucky looks like he knows the truth, still, he nods. “Now, the BARF will scan your brain, and work with the Hippocampus, a part of your brain responsible for memory storage, in order to erase the trigger words. The problem is that it might bring up trauma, and it will cause dizziness and possibly headaches. That’s all in the disclaimers.” Tony fidgets with his keyboard anxiously, and Bucky nods.

“Is that why Jennifer is here?” He asks, jerking his chin towards where the doctor is outside the room. Tony nods. “Okay, let’s get this show on the road.” He steps into the Hulk room with a grim smile, and Tony looks startled.

“I wasn’t done.” He mumbles looking at the twenty page document he had sent Bucky. Barnes just smiles at him warmly.

“Don’t worry about it Doll. You’ve got it under control.” Bucky says, and Tony wants to go back to the lab. Barnes isn’t supposed to trust him. He can’t handle letting someone in again. He starts the BARF, and turns to let Dr. Wells in.

Tony stops going after the first session, he shows Jennifer how to set up the technology, teaches Friday how to run the program, and then he goes back to his lab. He’s not necessary for Barnes’ recovery. After that their paths rarely cross, Tony only sees Bucky once every couple week when he leaves the lab, or comes back after a battle with the others. Bucky always asks if everyone’s okay, he always asks if Tony is okay. It’s confusing. 

A month after the first use of the BARF Tony is sitting in the lab, stomach growling. It’s two in the morning so it should be safe to leave the lab, there’s no reason for anyone to be in the elevator, or in the kitchen. He goes.

The elevator is clear, but he finds Barnes in the kitchen, back facing the door. His wings are out, and they look almost as bad as Tony’s, as if someone had ripped out handfuls of feathers.  There’s a few open wounds, not as many as Tony has, not as much blood soaking his feathers, but it’s there.

“Stop staring, I know they’re ugly.” Barnes grumbles, tucking them behind himself. Tony flushes red, unsure to explain how comforting it is to see someone else with wings as bad as his. He fails to speak in time, and Bucky continues. “They’re a lot better now, should have seen them when I first got here. Thank you, by the way.” He nods at Tony, and Tony blinks in confusion. They don’t talk, he hasn’t healed Bucky’s wings. “Jennifer and the BARF have really helped.”

“You’re welcome then.” Tony mumbles, grabbing a banana from off the counter. It’ll be enough, and he can go back to the lab and try and forget that other people aren’t like him, other people heal.

“Do you, want to eat something with me?” Bucky asks, gesturing to a pot of Kraft mac n’ cheese on the stove. Tony’s about to refuse, book it for the elevator. “I could use the company.” Tony can’t say no to that, he knows too well what it feels like when the nightmares are trapped behind your eyelids. Knows all too well how it feels to be alone after that.

“Sure.” He mumbles, dropping into one of the bar stools by the counter. Bucky smiles at him warmly, and shuffles his feet.

“Thanks, you’re too thin Doll.” He says, and Tony is shocked at the sound of concern in his voice. He waves one hand towards his wings. “Should probably put these away if I want you to keep your appetite.” He mumbles, shuffling them onto an alternate plane. Tony’s heart aches for him. He opens his mouth to speak, and nothing comes out. “Here.” Barnes says, scooping food onto a plate for him, it’s clear he’s practiced with using one hand. Tony wonders if he has to do it late at night, if Rogers mother henning gets in the way of Barnes’ skill.

“Thanks.” Tony says, they eat in silence. Both of them taking comfort from the other’s presence even as Tony’s wings spasm invisibly against his back, mirroring the anxiety attack building in his lungs. He finishes quickly, excuses himself, makes his escape to the lab.

He wants to bring his wings out, wants to be able to see that they’re still there. He doesn’t want Dum-E to see how broken he is though. He knows Dum-E still remember his wings from when Sunset was around, when they were white, and shiny. When his soul was mostly whole.

If asked he would say he didn’t cry. Stark men are made of iron, they don’t have panic attacks on the floor of darkened labs. If asked, Tony would lie. It doesn’t matter though, there’s nobody around who cares enough to ask. Rhodey’s in Physical Therapy in DC, and the Avengers live a floor away and yet there’s miles between them.

There’s more people in his life than ever before, and Tony is still wasting away alone.


	3. Team Dinner for Two

He doesn’t see Bucky again for a few days, manages to subsist on takeout food, and short naps on the couch. When nobody comes looking for you it’s easy to pretend the dark circles under your eyes haven’t become black holes. Easy to pretend that the nightmares, and poor eating habits haven’t slowly sucked the life out of your eyes. It’s easy to pretend you’re not damaged when there’s nobody there to see it. He sets to work on a new project, half his mind busy trying to distract him, while the rest of him works.

Bucky comes down four days into Tony’s lab binge. He washed off in the emergency shower, that morning trying to wash the feeling of blood off his wings, it never works.

“Hey, am I interrupting anything?” Bucky asks, and Tony looks up only to realize that what he’s been working mindlessly on for the last four days, is a prosthetic arm. More specifically a left arm approximately the shape and weight of Bucky’s right. Bucky’s head peeks into the room before he can do anything about it.

“Um, no?” Tony mumbles, pushing his hair out of his face. He hadn’t realized it had gotten so long. Bucky smiles, walking into the room, sandwich in hand.

“I brought you a snack.” Bucky says, and Tony pretends not to notice the closed wounds on the man’s wings. He shakes his head. “You’re too damn thin Doll, take the food.” Tony does, reluctantly taking a bite.

“Thank you. I made you an arm.” Tony offers, gesturing to it. Bucky stops moving. “After what I did, I know Steve’s still angry, and you,” He pauses to take another bite. “You two have every right to be, but I thought,” Tony shrugs. “Thought I could make it up to you.” Bucky stares at him for a long moment.

“Doll, Stark, I need you to listen to me.” Bucky says, pushing for eye contact. Tony gives in, staring at the bridge of his nose, he nods once. “I appreciate what you’re doing here.” He gestures to the arm. “I do.” Tony’s stomach roils with nerves. His wings shake. “You don’t owe me or Stevie anything. He was an absolute ass keeping the truth from you like that, and aware or not I killed your parents.” Tony flinches.

“It wasn’t your fault.” He mumbles, and Bucky shrugs.

“I’m learning that, but it doesn’t matter. I did it, and you have the right to be upset.” Bucky says. “You don’t have to let me stay here, and you don’t have to build me an arm.” Tony looks down at the prosthetic, he’s spent four days working on it, barely awake.

“I actually made it because of the mac n’ cheese.” Tony admits, and Bucky balks, confused. “It was nice of you, to include me.” There’s a silent realization as Bucky understands the implications of that statement. Nobody else does, and it’s true, he’s never seen any of the others come down here and spend time with Tony.

“Well if you can stand having me in your lab, I’d like to get to know you better. I’m probably going to keep feeding you too doll. Don’t need any more arms.” He says, and Tony snorts.

“Too damn thin. I get it Barnes.” Tony grumbles, and Bucky smiles at him. “You’ll take this one though, right?” There’s a certain vulnerability in his voice that Bucky wasn’t expecting, as if he was waiting for rejection.

“Yeah. But you don’t owe it to me. Okay?” He asks, and Tony nods. It seems unlikely, he attacked Barnes after all, he is the reason the man lost his arm. Steve has no issue reminding him of that. “I mean it Stark, you don’t owe me anything. I’ll take the arm, because you made it for me, and that’s amazing. But I will only take it if you want to give it to me.”

“I made it for you.” Tony grumbles. Crossing his arms over his chest, he’s touched by the gesture, but he’s not about to show it. “As long as you want it, we can start working on fitting it now, it’s not done yet.” He admits. The fingers are tricky, they amount of articulation necessary is insane, plus getting them to be responsive.

“Still, it’s amazing.” Bucky says, keeping his hand to himself as he looks at it. Tony beams at him, proud of his work.

“I tried to make it lighter for you. The old one weighed a ton.” Tony explains, lifting it easily, and showcasing the straps he’d designed to mimic the way the infraspinatus and tres minor muscles held the arm. It would take some of the weight off of Bucky’s shoulder.

“Yeah it did.” Barnes grumbles, rubbing at his shoulder absently. Tony winces in sympathy. The Iron Man suit at least is balanced in its weight, and largely self-supporting. He can’t imagine constantly having just one arm of it on.

“Care to test out the weight?” Tony offers, and Barnes nods, a smile on his face. “Okay, so these straps go around here, and this attaches here,” Tony explains, buckling a stretchy fabric to the strap around his back. “It should mimic your muscular system and help support the weight, plus it’s bullet proof, just in case.” Tony explains, snapping each piece into place, and fitting the covering over Bucky’s shoulder.

“Wow doll, bullet proof, and everything?” He teases, holding his free hand against his heart. Tony nods, and finishes the set up. “My hero.” Bucky teases pretending to swoon.

“It also has rockets.” Tony mumbles absently. Bucky’s mouth drops open in shock, so Tony continues. “For self-defense.” He defends. Bucky pulls the arm up with his right hand, glancing at the paneling.

“Rockets.” He mumbles, and Tony nods. “You are the coolest person I have ever met.” Bucky says, grabbing onto Tony’s hand and squeezing softly. “I cannot wait for this to be done. It’s amazing.” Tony looks down at the arm as if uncomfortable with the compliment.

“How’s the weight on it?” He asks, and Bucky rolls his shoulder. “It’s not activated yet, so it’ll be like if your arm was hanging loosely, but the straps should be supporting it comfortably. Bucky drops his hand to mirror the mechanical one.

“It actually feels a little light.” He admits, and Tony beams at him.

“That’s fantastic, once the fingers are articulated, and it’s got the coverings it should match up.” Tony explains, and Bucky blinks at him for a moment.

“Covering?” He asks, his arm had always just been his arm, it had never been covered before.

“Well I have a few choices, I need to make it out of something bullet proof, so sadly I can’t handle synthetic skin. But I can do fun colors.” He offers, chewing his lip nervously. Bucky beams at him.

“Well, red is my favorite color.” Bucky winks at him, and Tony blushes. “I wouldn’t mind some gold accents either.” He teases. Tony laughs.

“I have a feeling your boyfriend wouldn’t like that. What about star spangled?” He offers, not wanting to confront Steve over this. Bucky just shakes his head.

“Nah, I’ll stick with red.” He decides. “He’s not my boyfriend, by the way.” Tony nods absently, pretending to be uninterested. “Let me get out of this thing, and I’ll get out of your way.” He offers, Tony focuses on undoing the buckles. 

“You’ll need to keep coming down to help with testing.” Tony says, and it’s true, he’ll need to test it, but more than that he wants more time with Bucky in the lab, it’s surprisingly nice. Bucky nods agreeably.

He keeps coming down, even after the arm is done. Tony tries not to show how surprised he is every time Barnes shows up. He also tries not to fall in love with the man, he’s healing. Soon his wings, his soul, will be too pretty, too good, for Tony.

“Why don’t you ever come to team dinner?” Bucky asks, and Tony’s hands freeze as he rolls out from under his car. “I know it’s not my business, it’s just. I thought you were avoiding me at first, but obviously.” He gestures between the two of them absently.

“They don’t want me there.” Tony admits. Bucky stops playing with his phone so he can focus on Tony. “It’s my fault. I messed up.” Tony rubs a grease covered hand over his face and then groans. Dum-E rolls over offering him a towel. “Thanks, Dum-E.” Tony says, patting the robot’s arm. He wipes the grease off his face with the cleanest corner of the rag.

“That doesn’t mean you’re not part of the team, we all made mistakes. The whole Civil War was a mistake.” Bucky says, and Tony shakes his head.

“Clint’s made it quite clear that was my mistake, just like Ultron.” Tony mumbles, and he leans against the wheel of the car. Bucky frowns at that, and shakes his head.

“I heard about Ultron, one of the Hydra bases I broke into had data on the situation.” He explains. “SHIELD verified it was neither yours or Banner’s fault. Why would they blame you?” Tony shrugs.

“Ultron was my idea, a shield around the world. I messed with something I didn’t understand. Even if SHIELD cleared me of fault I did it.” Tony says, and he refuses to meet Bucky’s eyes. “I created him, and he killed people. That’s on me.”

“No, that’s on him.” Bucky says, and Tony startles. He’d almost forgotten Bucky was there. “My parents created me, and I killed people. That’s not their fault.” Tony shakes his head, ready to protest. “Don’t tell me that’s not the same. I see your other creations.” He points to Dum-E and then gestures to the roof. “They’re not like that, they’re good, sweet even.” Dum-E beeps happily, spinning around.

“Ultron, I worked too fast. Wanda, she got in my head, like she did Steve’s and Natasha’s. That’s not an excuse though.” He says, turning pleading eyes on Bucky. “I still made him. I shouldn’t have let my PTSD get the better of me like that.” Barnes eyes are unreadable as he gets up off the couch and starts walking towards Tony.

“Doll.” Bucky sighs, dropping onto the floor next to him. “I don’t blame you, not for that, not for the Civil War. They shouldn’t either.” Tony’s breath hitches in his lungs. “God, you’ve done so much for us, and they can’t even invite you to dinner.” Bucky shakes his head.

“It’s not that big of a deal.” Tony offers. He wouldn’t want to go if he was invited anyways. Wouldn’t want to sit there while they chat.

“Well, I’d rather eat with you than them tonight anyway.” Bucky decides, and Tony’s heart swells in his chest. Tony doesn’t start going to team dinners, but he’s not alone on Friday nights anymore. It’s nice. He might be failing at this whole not falling in love thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chapters left, also posting another fic in this series. It's a scene From Bucky's pov occuring after/in the middle of this chapter. Feel free to read it for fluffier feels.


	4. Seen Worse

Bucky becomes a staple in Tony’s lab, but he hasn’t seen Barnes’ wings since that day in the kitchen. Until one day he comes down with them out, clearly uncomfortable.

“Hey Buckaroo. How’s it hanging today?” Tony asks, spinning around on his seat.

“You know.” He shrugs, hesitantly walking over to the table. Tony tries to pretend his eyes aren’t drawn to the scars on Bucky’s wings, the scars where open wounds were the last time he saw them.

“Well, today I felt like blowing things up, wanna help?” Tony asks teasingly, and Bucky grins at him, and then shuffles nervously.

“Are you sure you can stand my ugly ass wings, my therapist wants me to keep them out. Something about a reminder of my improvement.” Bucky says, offering Tony a way out. Tony can’t take it though, can’t drive away his friend. Tony’s heart pounds against his sternum. He wonders absently if it would help Bucky to know his wings aren’t the ugliest in the room. He thinks it would.

“Not the ugliest I’ve seen.” He jokes, and Bucky blinks at him. He tilts his head to the side curiously, and Tony shuffles his feet, pulling his wings tight against his back and into the visual plane.

“Doll.” Bucky gasps, and Tony knows the feathers are either matted with wet blood or crusted with dry blood, only spots of white still visible on the few bent feathers remaining, his left-wing hangs at an odd angle, although it’s gotten better, and an open wound spans the length of both wings. They’re hideous. Disgusting, the skin stretched over the bone.

“Told you I’d seen uglier.” Tony says wryly, tucking them back away. Bucky takes a cautious step forward, hand held up like he wants to touch but isn’t sure if he’s allowed to.

“Who?” He asks, and Tony isn’t sure how to answer that question, for Bucky the answer is easy Hydra. Tony runs his hands through his hair. “Who did that to you?”

“Life.” Tony offers, media smile in place. Bucky shakes his head, because life doesn’t do that to people. His wings barely ever bled even under Hydra. Betrayal does that to a person, not life.

“That wasn’t life that was people. I want their names.” He says, and there’s a bit of the Winter Soldier in the growl of his voice. Tony meets his eyes like a challenge yanking his wings back out. He looks at Bucky, waits for him to insist. Bucky doesn’t disappoint. “Tell me.”

“Howard and Maria Stark, car accident.” He says, pointing to the missing primaries. “Tiberius Stone, died of a drug over dose. Sunset Bain, alive.” Bucky’s eyes light up at that with a cold ferocity. “Obidiah Stane, dead.” He points to the claw marks. “I lost people.” He admits, fingers brushing over the open wound Jarvis’ death left. “My hero told me I was worthless.” He admits, pointing to the largest open wound.

“Who?” Bucky demands, retribution in his eyes. Tony meets them, the challenge still dancing in his. He’s waiting for Bucky to argue back, to tell him Steve wouldn’t do that.

“My hero told me I was worthless the day I met him. He’d seen footage of me, news segments probably, and decided I was worthless. He told me to stop pretending to be a hero, and then two years later, he used me, and my money to chase down my parent’s killer. He lied to me for years while lecturing me on honesty. Captain America was my hero.” Tony says. “Steve Rogers, did this to me.” Bucky growls, and Tony flinches back slightly, expecting a blow that isn’t coming. Instead combat boots thunder into the stairwell.

“Rogers!” His voice echoes up, and Tony chases after him, wings beneath his notice as he runs up the stairs after the raging super solider.

“Bucky, stop!” Tony calls after him. Pushing himself to climb faster, he’s not in shape though, hasn’t been eating well enough. The stairwell door slams open, and Tony hears a crash, he pushes himself harder and enters the room to see that Steve has been shoved through one of his windows, held up by his shirt, and his legs hooked on the windowsill.

“What the hell?” Steve screeches, as Tony desperately tries to pull air into his lungs. There’s three guns leveled at Bucky’s head.

“Barnes!” Tony says, as much of a demand as he can manage. His wings spasm with anxiety as he remembers flying through that same window. Clint’s eyes dart back and forth between Tony and Bucky. “Bring him back inside.” Tony orders. Barnes hesitates, and Steve takes the opening.

“C’mon Buck it’s me. You don’t want to hurt me.” Steve pleads, apparently under the assumption that Bucky is reverting to the Winter Soldier. It would normally be a safe assumption to make. “Tony, what did you do to him?” Steve demands, and god Bucky wants to drop him.

“Barnes. I appreciate the sentiment, but put the geriatric asshole back down.” Tony requests, clasping his hands together to stop them from shaking. Bucky sighs, and drags him back into the room. “Thank you.” Bucky nods.

“What the fuck Stark?” Steve demands, and Bucky places his combat boot over Steve’s lap, pressing down menacingly.

“I recommend shutting up right now.” Bucky hisses, and Steve flinches, as he pushes down slightly. Tony looks around then, and notices Natasha’s eyes fixed on his back.  He notices the blood red tip of his wing out of the corner of his eye, and rips them out of view, she blinks.

“I’ve never seen-“ She starts, and Tony glares at her, she shuts up. “Barnes. What’s the problem?” He fights the urge to put his weight down.

“Steve Rogers is apparently not the guy I knew in Brooklyn, apparently, he’s an asshole.” Bucky says, and Steve’s eye’s go wide with hurt. “Apparently, this Steve Rogers thinks he has a right to decide people’s worth immediately after meeting them. Thinks he can keep secrets while lecturing them on honesty. Thinks he can get away with half assed apologies.” Bucky spits on the floor next to him. “This Steve Rogers is not my friend, he’s a scumbag, and a bully, who rips wounds into other people’s souls without a thought.”

“Steve did that?” Natasha asks, never looking away from where Tony’s wings were. Tony shrugs.

“Some of it. You all certainly didn’t help, but when your childhood hero tells you that you’re worthless.” Tony shrugs. “It leaves a mark.” Natasha balks at that, and Tony shrugs, allowing his wings to reappear. “They’re better now, then they were a month ago.” He admits, and Natasha’s jaw drops open, unable to hid her shock.

“They were worse than that?” She whispers horrified. Clint stares at them, realizing they look like his wings did the day Barney nearly killed him. Realizing that he helped do that to a person.

“Bucky stop. I’m not worth it. This is just what people do to me.” He gestures to his wings. “Stark men are made of Iron, but my souls been fractured since I was seven. People break me Bucky, it’s not Steve’s fault I expected Captain America to be different. It’s not Steve’s fault he was one of very few people who could still let me down.” Bucky steps back, shaking his head.

“It is Steve’s fault for being a fucking asshole.” He hisses, and Tony flinches minutely. “Sorry doll. I’m not mad at you.” He turns his glare on Steve. “Doll, I hate to ask this of you Tony, but I don’t want to share a room with any of them right now.” Bucky admits. Tony shrugs.

“That’s fine, you can sleep in mine, I don’t use it anyways.” Tony offers, hoping to defuse the situation. Bucky frowns at him. “There’s a couch in the lab.” He defends, but his eyes dart to the others and he thinks Bucky understands.

“C’mon Doll.” Bucky says, grabbing Tony’s hand in his and heading for the door. Steve pulls himself to his feet, looking like a kicked puppy.

“Buck!” He calls after them. Bucky doesn’t even grace him with a glance.

“Friday. Lock them all out.” Bucky demands.

They get settled in the lab. Tony diving into engineering to distract himself, and Bucky watching the door sill on edge. Hours go by, with only one attempted entry each, and Bucky can see Tony’s eyelids drooping.

“I’ll be right back Doll.” He promises, dropping a kiss to Tony’s forehead. Tony nods absently, focused on the circuit board in front of him.

“Okay, love you.” He mumbles, and Bucky flushes, rushing to the elevator before he can draw attention to that particular absent minded comment. He’ll just steal Tony’s mattress and pillows, and then they can sleep in a corner of the lab.

The elevator doors slide shut, and Tony hears the vent cover get shoved open. His back goes rigid, and he turns to find Clint standing there. He hadn’t blocked off Clint’s vents because Clint hadn’t wanted to see him enough to come into the lab. There had been no need.

“I made a cake. It’s chocolate and it came out of a box.” Clint mumbles, holding out a pan. Tony blinks at him, completely lost. “Look, I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I’m just sorry. So, apology box cake.”

“What are you sorry for?” Tony asks, and there’s a challenge in his voice that never would have been there if Bucky hadn’t started treating him like he mattered. He doesn’t care if they live here and treat him like shit, but he’s not opening up again. Not letting them scar his wings again.

“I’m sorry, for everything I said on the raft. I’m sorry I didn’t try and compromise with you, or trust you throughout that whole situation. I never even heard your side of the story. Steve said jump, y’know?” He asks, and Tony shakes his head. He doesn’t know. “Anyways, more than that. I’m sorry. It’s easy to ignore your suffering when you have so much. What does Tony Stark have to be sad about?” He jokes, and Tony’s stomach sinks. He can’t deal with his pain being ridiculed. “Sometimes I forget you’re a person. Not a billionaire, not a genius, a person.”

“Where are you going with this?” Tony asks, crossing his arms over his chest defensively. Clint shifts his weight, uncomfortable under Tony’s scrutiny.

“What I’m trying to say is, I fucked up. I’m Hawkeye, but I never saw you.” He admits. “I’m sorry. I failed you as a teammate, and as a friend.” Tony blinks at that. “I know you probably don’t want to let me back in. I understand. I’ll be here though, if you need me. Also cake!” He points to the pan, then leaves before Tony can reply, which is a good thing, because Tony doesn’t know what to say. He sits in silence for a moment. Unaware of Bucky struggling to fit a king-sized mattress into his elevator.

“Override code used.” Friday chimes, and Tony looks up just in time to see Steve enter his lab. His heart starts beating double time against his ribs. Images of Steve’s hands wrapped around his neck claw their way out of his nightmares.

“Tony, we need to talk.” Steve starts, and Tony turns so his back is to the wall.

“Breaking up with me already Cap?” Tony jokes, Steve doesn’t smile. “I get it. You’re sorry I feel the way I feel. You’re sorry things turned out how they did. You’re just not sorry for anything you did. I read the letter, I don’t need a rerun.” Tony grumbles, and Steve’s eyes go wide with guilt. He takes a step forward, and Tony’s hand clenches around the counter, knuckles white.

“Sorry.” Steve whispers, stopping in his tracks. “I never should have lied to you. I never should have taken you for granted. I shouldn’t use your money and treat you like shit. That’s not what a hero does.” Steve shakes his head. “I’ve been a horrible person to you.” He admits.

“Yeah.” Tony agrees. Steve’s jaw clenches, and he rubs a hand down his face. “I get it, you lost a lot.” He glances towards the couch where Bucky usually sits. “I would have done a lot for him too. It’s fine, anyways. I know you never considered me a friend. I’m never going to be good enough for you Rogers, I’m at peace with that.”

“Tony-“ Steve starts, sounding both stern, and sad. A vase, a very expensive vase mind you, smashes against the back of his skull.

“Back off Rogers.” Bucky says, hefting a pillow at him. Steve raises his hands in surrender, opening his mouth to defend himself. “Close your mouth, and exit the workshop. Now!” Bucky orders, whacking Steve in the face with a pillow when he tries to speak. “Out! Stop bothering my genius.” Tony feels warm inside at that.

“I just-“ Steve starts, Bucky slams the pillow into his face again.

“I don’t care. Leave.” He demands. Steve spares one last look at Tony, and then retreats up the stairs. “I leave you alone for five minutes.” He teases, pulling Tony into a hug. Tony snorts a laugh, and Bucky notices the cake. “Did Steve bring that?” He asks.

“That was Clint.” Tony replies, and Bucky groans, lightly banging his head against Tony’s shoulder. “He didn’t bother me.” Tony defends, although he isn’t sure if that’s true.

“They were supposed to be locked out.” Bucky grumbles. “I just went to get your bed, and they all came in here and bothered you.” He throws his arm out towards the elevator and for the first-time Tony notices the mattress crammed into it, and the pillows spilling out.

“Why?” He asks, confused. Bucky blushes a little.

“You offered me your bed, because you don’t use it. I figured if I brought it to the lab, maybe we could share?” He offers, and Tony raises an eyebrow at him. “I mean, I’m not trying to proposition you, but I wouldn’t mind. Mostly I just planned to cuddle.”

“I could go for that.” Tony admits, smiling shyly at him. It’s been a long time since he’s cuddled with anyone, Pepper left before the Civil War, and that was over a year ago now. Bucky beams at him, and goes to arrange the bed in the corner while Tony finishes up.

“You ready for bed genius?” Bucky asks, coming up behind him. Tony’s eyelids are heavy, but he’s not tired enough to avoid dreaming. “C’mon let’s go.” Barnes says when he takes too long to answer, grabbing Tony’s hand and towing him over to the mattress. “Goodnight.” Bucky says, and Tony curls around him.

“Goodnight baby.” Tony mumbles, eyes drifting shut. “Thank you.” He whispers, and Bucky isn’t sure what’s more surprising the thank you, or the endearment.

“We should date sometime doll.” He whispers into the darkness. Tony’s hand clenches in his shirt, and Bucky winces when bleary eyes open to look at him.

“I’d like that.” Tony mumbles, and Bucky breathes a sigh of relief. “Thought I was asleep, didn’t you?” Tony snorts, and Bucky laughs. His voice is so warm, so comforting. Tony drifts off to sleep, head propped up on the super soldier’s shoulder.


	5. Throwing Knives and Apologies

Tony wakes up warm, and comfortable. He can feel Buck playing with his hair, and he sighs happily. Bucky’s chest moves under his cheek, and he never wants to get up. Of course, then his bladder decides to stage a protest.

“Nooo.” He grumbles, rolling off of the mattress. Bucky lets him go easily enough, and Tony zombie walks towards the bathroom.

“What do you have for breakfast down here Doll?” Bucky asks, after all he’s never seen Tony come upstairs for breakfast. He looks over at the kitchenette in the corner and finds some fruit, a blender, and a coffee maker. He can work with that.

“Bucky?” Tony calls when he comes out of the bathroom, glancing around when he finds Bucky is not still on the mattress. He wanted to go back to cuddling.

“Over here.” Tony turns pouty eyes towards Bucky only to be presented with a coffee and a smoothie. “I made you breakfast.” Bucky says, and Tony’s eyes go wide with delight. He takes the cups from Bucky and sets them down so he can hug the man.

“You’re amazing.” Tony mumbles.

“Am I interrupting?” Steve’s voice calls from the doorway, and there’s a small noise of Bucky’s hand cutting through air before the soft thunk of a knife embedding in his wall. He pulls out of the hug with a sigh to find Steve with his hands in the air. “I come in peace?” He offers. Bucky bares his teeth in a vicious snarl, but Tony just waves half-heartedly.

“What can I do for you Rogers?” Tony asks, raising an eyebrow at the Captain’s confused look. Bucky squeezes an arm around his shoulder, and considers throwing another knife. “Steve, stop acting like I kicked your Puppy. You don’t talk to me unless you want something, so tell me what you want so I can move on with my life.” Tony demands. Steve looks indignant, and for a moment there’s silence. Tony assumes Steve is trying to remember a time he didn’t want something from Tony. He’ll fail to remember an example.

“I guess, I wanted to apologize.” He admits after a moment, and Bucky softens slightly. Steve is a stubborn assshole for as long as he thinks he’s right, but he can admit he’s wrong. “I’ve been an asshole,”

“Language.” Tony interrupts, and promptly is ignored for.

“to you.” Steve finishes, and Bucky nods as if to say damn right you have. Tony elbows him in the hopes that he’ll calm down. “I’m a stubborn ass, and I know you grew up hearing about me, about Captain America. Steve Rogers has probably been a huge disappointment.” Bucky glares at him again, because he’s dangerously close to blaming Tony for being hurt. “I’ll do better in the future. I never wanted to be a bully Tony. I’m sorry I became one.”

“It’s okay Steve. I’m abrasive, and I represent the future in a lot of ways, I know you hate being here.” Tony cedes, and Bucky decides to throw another knife at Steve for good measure. It whips past Steve’s ear, and Tony turns to glare at him. “What the fuck?” He asks.

“He deserves it!” Bucky defends, and Steve nods agreeably. He does after all. “You slip up, I’ll call you out.” Bucky informs Steve. “I’m not letting you lot walk all over him anymore.” Tony places a hand over his face, pushing him out of his protective stance.

“It’s not your job to protect me.” Tony informs him. And Bucky makes a grumpy noise, but allows Tony to push him out of the way. “Steve, I idolized you as a kid, and that wasn’t fair to you.” Tony says, making eye contact with the blonde. Bucky snarls, and Tony snaps his fingers in front of his face. “Behave. That wasn’t fair to you Steve. I shouldn’t have given you so much power over me, but you also shouldn’t have lied to me, or put me down.” Tony says, and Steve hangs his head.

“I know.” Steve says, guilt settled like a rock in his gut. Tony nods.

“Damn right!” Bucky adds, peeking over Tony’s shoulder. Tony turns to glare at him. “I’ll be quiet now, sorry Doll.” He says, giving Tony a cheeky grin. Tony narrows his eyes further then turns back to Steve trying to decide what to do.

“I’m not going to trust you right away.” Tony decides after a moment, and Steve nods. “I might not even want to spend time with you for a while. If you disrespect the boundaries I set then you will lose your chance at working this out.” Tony decides, and Steve’s jaw drops. He hadn’t expected to be given a chance.

“I will do everything in my power not to let you down.” Steve promises, and Tony nods.

“Damn right you will.” Bucky mumbles, and Tony turns back to glare at him. “Sorry. Shutting up.” Bucky mimes zipping his lips shut, and Steve snorts.

“Right now, I don’t want you in my lab.” Tony says, and he waits for Steve to protest. Instead he steps back into the elevator but holds the door open. There’s a wave of relief at that.

“Just, to be clear.” Steve says, and Tony tilts his head to the side. “That’s a permanent rule until you change your mind, right?” Tony nods. “Okay.”

“Team dinner is at six thirty now, right?” Tony asks, and a bright smile lights up Steve’s face as he nods. “I might come.” It’s not a promise, Tony isn’t comfortable offering Steve absolutes, but he’ll see how he feels about everyone come Friday.

“I can still kick his ass, if you ever need me to.” Bucky offers, as the elevator doors close. Tony laughs, and wraps his arms around Bucky, allowing himself to melt into the returned hug.

“I appreciate that.” Tony says, patting his cheek. Bucky looks slightly affronted by that. “But I can kick his ass on my own if I ever want to.” That is true, and Bucky concedes the point. “When do you think, Natasha is going to come down here to apologize?” He asks, and Bucky shrugs.

“Whenever I leave.” He guesses, and Tony snorts a laugh. “I mean, I am terrifying.” Bucky teases, baring his teeth with a joking snarl. Tony pokes his side, laughing when the trained assassin flinches away at the threat of tickling.

“You want to go scrounge up some food for us?” Tony requests, because he’s curious to know if Natasha will actually come for him. Bucky raises an eyebrow at him. “Go, she might not even show up.” Tony waves off his concern. Bucky frowns, but goes.

Tony sits for a moment, screw driver tapping against his knee as he pretends he isn’t watching the doorway. Another minute goes by with no sign of Natasha. Tony turns back to his work with a sigh. Maybe she really doesn’t care. There’s a soft knock on the door behind him.

‘Hi.’ She mouths through the glass, eyes downcast. She looks vulnerable, and it puts Tony on edge. This seems like another manipulation tactic.

“You can come in.” He offers, and the doors slide open so she can enter. He turns to face her, and notices steel behind her eyes as she pushes her hair behind her ears. “You okay?” He asks, because even wary he still loves all of them more than he should, and she looks scared.

“I’m not good at this.” She admits instead of answering his question. “Or rather, I’m too good at this.” Tony blinks at that, curious. “In the red room we were trained, how to lie, how to apologize, how to manipulate.” She glares at her hands in her lap. “I don’t want to manipulate you into forgiving me, but I don’t know how to apologize properly.” She admits, and she looks up to see Tony’s heart break in his eyes. “No.” She tells him. “I am not here to guilt you into forgiving me. I just, I want to know if you’ll be patient while I try and figure out how to earn it.” She asks.

“Nat. You’re a bit of a bitch with the whole ego comment.” She winces, because it’s true. “But I never blamed you for what you did at the airport. I didn’t agree with you, but we we’re fighting friends. It’s hard. Hell even I decided to help them before everything was over.” Tony says.

“God, I never should have written that assessment.” She grumbles, dropping a USB drive on the counter. “Look, I’m bad at apologies, but I am good at apology gifts. That should open the door to Fury’s inner systems. Try not to get caught.” He nods.

“Hey Nat.” He calls before she can stalk out of the room. She turns back towards him. “I’ll see you at team dinner?” He offers, it’s a step in the right direction at least. She nods, a small smile pulling at the corner of her lips, and then disappears into the stairwell just as Bucky comes tumbling out of the elevator with a box of blueberries in one hand and crackers in the other.

“Did she show up?” He asks, looking around curiously. “Was she nice? Do I need to fight her?” He walks over to set down the food next to Tony, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

“Would you, if I asked you to?” Tony wonders, because all of the others were painfully willing to fight against him. He didn’t really think anyone would fight for him.

“Yeah, of course.” Bucky answers. “Why are you asking? Do I need to do it? I’ll do it.” Tony laughs, and turns to press his lips against Bucky’s shoulder. “I’m serious Tony, I’ll fight all of them if you want.” Part of Tony really wants to see that.

“Nah, she’s not the best at apologies, but I think she’s trying.” He said, fingers wrapping around the USB she left behind. Bucky grunts in agreement. “You were trained like she was, a little, right?” Bucky winces, but nods. “Sorry, I just. Can you tell me, if she’s manipulating me into forgiving her?”

“Yeah, and then I can kick her ass.” He promises, and Tony snorts a laugh, pushing out of Bucky’s arms to plug in the USB.

He knows they’ve apologized now, and that he could venture out of the lab. Could test the waters, but his wings still quiver with anxiety even if some of the blood is gone. Bucky will offer to hold his hand, and rather than leaving Tony will use it to tow him back into the lab. It’s nice that Bucky lets him, wanting Tony to go at his own pace. He can wait until Friday. Until team dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am apparently awful at ending things. Chapter 7 is coming eventually.
> 
> I just love this verse so much guys, like so much. 
> 
> Also I'm over on tumblr https://thealextheshipper.tumblr.com/ if any of you wanna follow me. I rant about Tony a lot, because I love him.


	6. Better All the Time

“Tony, it’s almost six.” Bucky says, he wants to ask if Tony is still sure about team dinner, but last time he did Tony threw a wrench at his head. Tony groans loudly glaring at the ceiling. “You know you can show up in a greasy T-shirt, and jeans. You don’t have to impress them.” Bucky points out, and Tony groans again.

“Why do I feel like I do then?” Tony grumbles, picking at the grease stain on his shirt. Bucky smiles, ruffling the genius’ hair.

“I don’t know. I do know that you care about them.” Bucky says. Tony glares at him, because god damn it he does, even when he doesn’t want to. “I think you want to look okay, but you don’t have to be okay.” Bucky rubs his back. Tony scowls, pushing out of the chair.

“I’m going to take a shower upstairs. In my room. Where people don’t psychoanalyze me.” He informs the man, and Bucky smiles after him.

“Hate to see you go Stark.” He says. “But, damn I love to watch you leave.” Tony turns into the stairwell at the last second hoping to keep Bucky from seeing his obvious blush. He’s going to shower, and come down for dinner looking sharp as hell because he wants to. Not because he’s insecure. He’s super secure. Seriously.

He showers quickly, and then spends ten minutes trying to figure out what to wear. He decides a tie might be a bit too much, and settles for a nice blue button down, and dress pants. He dries his hair, even though he feels silly doing so just to have dinner with the team. It’s five minutes until six thirty when he gets into the elevator, but he can’t help being afraid. What if they ate without him again? What if they’re already done.

“Boss? Would you like me to open the doors?” Friday asks, and Tony attempts to shake off those thoughts. The elevator must have stopped a while ago, and Friday let him have his moment.

“Yes please.” He says, and the doors slide open to reveal Bucky, arms crossed over his chest and glaring at the others before turning to smile at Tony. “Hey Bucky Bear.” Tony greets, one glance at the team leaves him feeling incredibly overdressed.

“Hot damn Tony.” Bucky says, and then goes bright red. “Shit that was loud. But also, Tony.” He points to Tony and turns to the others for support. “Look at him.” Steve’s eyes go wide when Bucky looks at him, and he coughs awkwardly.

“You look really nice Tones.” Steve mumbles, and Clint nods in agreement. Bucky points at him.

“See. Steve agrees. My date is hot.” Bucky says, and then Tony finds their elbows hooked together as he’s towed to the kitchen table, which everyone has not already eaten at. “You’re hot.” He informs Tony, and Tony forces himself not to giggle like a school girl.

“Date?” Steve whispers, eyes wide as he stares at Clint. Natasha kicks him in the shin, and shakes her head. Steve takes the hint and doesn’t question them further. Clint doesn’t.

“So, Bucky finally got his head out of his ass and asked you out?” Clint asks, dropping into the seat next to Tony. “He’s been mooning over you practically since he got here.” Tony tries to cover his blush, smirking at Bucky.

“What can I say Doll.” He says, and Tony smiles at the smarmy asshole. “You’re a catch.” Tony tries to hide his blush by glaring at Bucky. He’s not comfortable being this flirty in front of the others. Not yet anyways. “Sorry.” Bucky mutters.

“It’s okay.” Tony whispers back, he knows the others can hear them, and his back tenses as he waits for them to call him out on it. There’s a moment of awkward silence and then Sam walks in looking slightly frazzled.

“Sorry I’m late guys, meeting ran late.” He drops into his seat and then looks around for the first time eyes stopping on Tony. “What are you doing here?” He asks, before Natasha can stop him, although she does manage to dig her heel into his foot. “Ow. What the heck? It’s a valid question. He’s never at team dinner.”

“Yeah, it’s funny how people don’t show up to things they aren’t invited to.” Tony mumbles, fingers flexing around the arms of his chair, he wants to leave. “Funny that I only wanted to face the embarrassment of you all changing team dinner time without even telling me once. Funny isn’t it, how it eats at your self-esteem to live with a group of people who want everything you have to give them as long as they never have to see you.” Tony shakes his head, heart racing against his ribs. Bucky reaches over for his hand, and Tony takes it. He doesn’t want to run away, he promised himself he would stay.

“It was just a question.” Sam mumbles, flinching when a butter knife sails past his ear. “Jesus Fuck, why?” He asks, whirling towards Bucky. The glare he finds when he meet’s Bucky’s eyes could kill a man. “Calm down dude.”

“Stop being an asshole.” Bucky replies, and he turns his glare on Steve. Steve claims to be team leader, it’s time to see how he handles complex situations.  It takes a kick to the shin from Natasha to spur him into action.

“Sam, it’s team dinner of course Tony is here. He’s part of the team.” Steve says, and Sam blinks at him incredulously. Then points at the two of them sitting at the end of the table.

“What so they weren’t part of the team last week?” He asks, and Tony wants to know the answer to that question too. “I know you all apparently saw his wings, but if you didn’t care about him before I don’t understand why that would change now.” Sam points out, and Tony flinches.

“Of course, we cared.” Steve says, glaring at Sam. He raises his hands, and gestures to Steve asking for an explanation. Steve turns pleading eyes on Tony. “Of course, we cared.” He repeats, and Tony shakes his head, forcing his chair back from the table. That isn’t an answer. His cheeks feel wet, but he is made of Iron. Stark men don’t cry.

“Tony.” Natasha says, and she’s out of her seat and following him. Bucky is about to go after them, but she pins him to his seat with a look. “Tony, please stop.” She pleads, and he shakes his head, climbing into the elevator. “Can I come with you.”

“Yeah, sure. It’s fine. I’m fine Nat, just go back to dinner.” He grumbles, fists balled up at his sides, she gets into the elevator with him instead. “I said I’m fine Nat.” He grumbles, and then he swings towards the wall. She grabs his elbow before he can break a finger punching a metal wall like an idiot.

“Listen, you’re mad at us. You should be.” She says, and he pulls his arm out of her grasp angrily. “We have been bad friends, and bad teammates. We still cared about you though, even when we were dicks.” Tony scoffs, and looks over her shoulder. He’s waiting for some sort of explanation. “There isn’t an explanation for why we acted the way we did. We got back after the civil war, and part of us blamed you. That was stupid, and irrational. It also didn’t give us permission to be a dick to you.”

“Then why?” He asks, and he can’t stop the tears anymore. He just wants to know why people he considered his friends felt so comfortable treating him like shit. “Why is it so easy for you guys to hate me, and blame me for everything? What did I do wrong?” Natasha is silent for a moment. Tony’s whole body feels like it’s shaking, he doesn’t know if it’s anger, or anxiety, or just desperation.

“This is going to be very hard to believe,” She concedes. He glares at her, waiting. “Nothing. You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong.” He shakes his head, because there had to be something. There has to be a reason they would abandon him like they did. “We fucked up, you were easy to blame, and you weren’t there to defend yourself. We let our anger at the situation become hatred directed at you. That was wrong.”

“It’s always my fault though. Every time things go wrong.” Tony says, and she’s never seen him this lost before. He’s almost clinging to his own self-hatred, she wonders what he’d look like if he didn’t hate himself. She wonders what kind of person he would be. It’s only now that she realizes, she doesn’t know. She’s never met a Tony Stark that doesn’t hate himself.

“Ultron wasn’t your fault. What Stane did wasn’t your fault. Killian wasn’t your fault either.” His eyes go wide at that. “The only thing that I would blame you for, is announcing your address on national television, that was dumb Stark.” She scolds.

“I know.” He admits, and she smiles at him. “That was dumb.” Her smile falls, and she resists smacking the back of his head.

“The rest of it wasn’t your fault though.” She points at his chest. “You have the biggest heart of any man I have ever met.” Tony raises an eyebrow. “Yes, including Captain America, you ass.” She says, and he smiles.

“I missed you.” He admits, and her heart breaks a little bit. “I worked so hard to get you guys back, and then,” He trails off, but his face is enough to break even her heart. She knows where that sentence ends, but you came back and didn’t want me.

“We were wrong to blame you Tony.” She says, and it sounds like a promise, she won’t do it again. Tony isn’t sure he can believe that. “I work hard to make up for my mistakes, it’s why I’m a hero. To make up for what I did when I was working for the red room. I will work hard to make up for this mistake too. Maybe one day you’ll trust me enough to reinstate spa day.” She jokes, and he wipes at his eyes with his sleeve.

“Would tomorrow work?” He asks, with shaking hands, and tears streaming down his face. He brushes at his cheeks angrily. Is it so bad, just to want everything to go back to normal?

“If that’s what you want, I would like to spend some time with you.” She says, unsure if they’re moving at the right pace. She doesn’t want him to push himself to trust her, but she’s in no place to dictate how he reacts to any of their apologies.

“I don’t know.” He groans, crumpling into the corner. “I just want to be happy again.” He admits. “I want everything to be the way it was, or better. I want you all to care about me, and include me in things. I just, I want.” Stark men don’t cry. Natasha looks mildly frightened by the amount of emotion he’s pouring all over her.

“You want me to get Bucky?” She asks, and he shakes his head.

“Can we just sit here for a moment?” He requests, and it breaks her heart hearing the way he hesitates, waiting for rejection. “You don’t have to.” He concedes when she doesn’t reply quick enough.

“I don’t mind.” She drops down on the floor next to him, and they sit there. Friday keeps the doors shut, let’s them exist in each other’s space. Eventually Tony stops crying, and he gets the courage to speak again. He asks her about Supernatural, they were watching together before everything happened, she admits she didn’t have the heart to watch it without him.

“How was dinner?” Tony asks, a few hours later when the lab doors slide open. He doesn’t look up, doesn’t see Bucky with two plates in hand.

“I don’t know, my team wasn’t there.” Bucky teases, and Tony blushes, turning to face him. “I brought you food.” He says, which Tony quirks a smile at.

“Thank you Captain Obvious.” Tony greets, stealing a kiss and his plate. “I was getting pretty hungry.” Bucky laughs.

“I’m a sergeant you know. Not a Captain.” He retorts, leaning in for another kiss. Tony is eager to grant him one. “But I’m supposed to be Sergeant Sarcastic Bucky.” He mumbles against Bucky’s lips, getting a loud laugh from the soldier.

“I had an idea Sergeant Sarcastic.” Bucky says, and Tony gives him a wary look.

“Is it a sexy idea, or are we back to therapist Bucky again?” He asks, fiddling with his shirt sleeve. “I’m not sure I’m up for either to be honest.” He admits, and part of him expects Bucky to leave. Of course, Bucky stays.

“It’s a therapy idea.” He admits, and Tony groans, forehead making a thunking noise when it bangs against Bucky’s arm. Tony groans again. “I was supposed to have my wings out more, for therapy reasons. I haven’t been doing that so much this week. Do you want to do it with me?” It’s said like a plea, and Tony can’t deny Bucky anything. He’ll just avoid looking at his own wings, it’ll be fine.

“Yeah, yeah okay.” He cedes, and Bucky smiles like he’s the sun. “Stop that, it’s not that big of a deal.” Tony attempts to brush it off, trying to distract Bucky while he brings his wings out. “I’m a supportive boyfriend, shut up.” Bucky brings his wings out too, and in the blue light of the lab Tony notices the flecks of grey on them. They’re beautiful under all the scarring.

“Boyfriends huh?” Bucky teases, and Tony shoves out of his grip. “C’mon doll, I’m just teasing.” Bucky says, reaching out for him. Tony jokingly crosses his arm, looking away from Bucky. “Doll, c’mon, I love you.”

“Same.” Tony replies. “Wait what?” He says, turning back to Bucky. “Did you just?” Bucky nods. “I, yeah same.” Bucky laughs, and drags Tony back into a hug. It’s nice, and Tony melts into it, allowing the warm silence to settle over them.

“Your wings.” Bucky whispers. Tony tenses in his arms. “They look a little better. The wounds are smaller.” He offers, Tony shrugs a shoulder.

“They’ll always be ugly.” He mutters, and Bucky kisses his hair. “I don’t want them anymore. Wings are stupid.” Bucky runs his fingers through Tony’s hair, soothing the genius.

“They’re beautiful, you’ve been through so much love.” Bucky says, and Tony groans into his neck. “Even if they never heal. You’re beautiful.” Tony huffs a breath against Bucky’s neck. “Also, also, I want to kick Sam’s ass for you. Can I do that?” The moment dissipates, and Tony breaks down into giggles, but the sentiment sticks. Maybe, just maybe, he’s beautiful despite his wings. Or maybe, he's beautiful because of them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is the end, it's not as happy as I had planned on it being. 
> 
> I think things are getting better though.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry.


End file.
